Dimensions of Yes and No
We’ve all been in a difficult situation wherein we either had to: a) find a way to fix it, or b) just accept it. In my experience, it can be difficult to know which one of the two I had to do. And to make it a bit more complicated: which one of the two I could do. Whenever I face complicated or difficult situations, I say the Serenity Prayer by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
But just how can we know the difference?
The prayer asks for wisdom. And I believe wisdom comes from our ability to deconstruct situations, objects, or concepts; and identify components we need to understand, so we can make a decision. And ultimately, this decision should help us find peace within ourselves.
Three Lenses of Predicaments: Understand, Like, Accept
What I do whenever I’m in a difficult situation is I try to approach it from 3 ways. I ask myself these 3 questions:
Do you understand it? Do you have enough information to really know about this thing you’re facing? Are you informed of the different factors that influence each other; and how these factors result to this thing you’re facing? Have you looked at it from various perspectives, so much so that you have a 360-degree view of it? Looking at it from a single perspective can be harmful to you as it limits you like a cage.
Do you like it? Do you feel a sense of enjoyment about the situation? Is it to your preference? Is the situation agreeable to you? We usually feel good about the things that we like; but not always. We may like things that don’t feel good, like spicy food. What’s important is that this situation gives you a sense of enjoyment in some level.
Can you accept it? Is the situation something you can live with? Acceptance simply means receiving something. The situation has arrived. Will you let it in or deny it?
It is important to note that the answers to each question don’t have to be a yes. I realized that I do not have to understand what’s happening, I do not have to like it, and I do not have to accept it. When I was younger, I thought that yes to these questions was what was right. I was wrong!
In the Ideal scenario, we understand, like and accept a situation. The complete opposite of that wherein we do not understand, like, and accept a situation is what I like to call Rejection. But in between the two cases are 6 other dimensions. That makes a total of 8 possible combinations. I split the 8 into 2 groups: Dimensions of “Yes”, and Dimensions of “No”.
Dimensions of “Yes”
This group illustrates the different ways saying Yes to at least 2 of the 3 questions. It shows that by just saying No to one of the 3 changes the texture of the situation.
Going with the flow — You don’t understand, but you like, and you accept
This is when we just enjoy whatever we are experiencing and do the best we can even though we do not understand it. Some of us are like this. We may be part of organizations whose policies we might not have 100% understanding of. But we still like our companies, and we still work for them. We just go with the companies’ flow and work the best we can.
Sacrifice — You understand and accept, even though you do not like
We’ve all made a sacrifice at some point in out life, in varying degrees. We might have taken a college course we didn’t really like; or we choose to stick to a job we are unhappy with. It can also apply to small things like deciding to buy a new phone next year instead of now. Sacrificing is when we accept our situation because we understand it even though it’s not what we want.
Discontentment — You understand, and like, but you do not accept
When understanding and liking something is not enough for us to accept it, it means we are not yet contented. Discontentment is not necessarily a negative thing. It’s just a value that keeps us innovating and improving ourselves and the things around us. An example of positive discontentment is when after understanding how computers work, Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak, who both like (obviously) computers, decided to reject the current idea of what a computer is. And their innovation the personal computer was born and revolutionized the world.
Dimensions of “No”
Opposite to the Yes group, this group illustrates the different ways saying No to at least 2 of the 3 questions. And just like the yes group, 1 yes answer changes the dimension.
Faith — You do not understand, you do not like, but you accept anyway
There are some things we just can’t understand. And for some, what they can’t wrap their head around, they cannot like. Some can reject or not accept that thing which they neither understand nor like; while some still can. This is faith. We accept that which we cannot full get a grasp of — a mystery; and continue to accept it even though we may not like it. What better example of faith than a passion — that thing that we irrationally love so much even though it hurts us.
Infatuation — You like something you neither understand nor accept
Infatuation is the fleeting feeling of admiration or liking for something or someone. We cannot understand or explain why we like it, and our liking for it quickly dies down. And even though we like it, we get this feeling of we have to change something about it or we are just not content enough to fully accept it. Infatuation is pure liking that is irrational and unaccepting.
Critical — You understand, but you neither like nor accept
Critical people understand situations without liking or accepting them. We are like this when we look at the things around us with pure objectivity (without liking or disliking), and without being content of what it is. A great example of this is when scientists peer review articles. They can understand the article’s contents, but they keep their objectivity by not having preference on the article’s contents. Peer reviewing articles also entails sending critiques on a researcher’s work to make it better.
Finding Peace
In my opinion, peace cannot be found in any one of the dimensions. Afterall, dimensions are external, while peace is an internal situation. For me, finding peace is first, knowing in which dimension you are in; second, understanding why you are in there; and lastly making your decision whether to continue to be there or not.
Finding peace in a predicament is difficult. It really is. But for me, having full knowledge of where I stand and my reasons for it ultimately brings me peace.
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Disclaimer: I am no no way a doctor of the mind or emotions; nor am I a philosopher. This idea I’m about to share is my own, based on my own experience, which has helped me a lot. If you like it, and if you think this will or had helped you make sense of things, then great! Happy to help!
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